1. friends take effort
2. friends are rarely eternal
(edit: see the awesome redhead's comment) 2a. friends are rarely eternal (bold words seem to imply something
a result of 1. is that friendship is largely based on proximity. this is because proximity and effort is inversely related, as you decrease proximity the amount of effort increases. you can see this as you move from elementary to middle school, middle to high school, etc. and even job to job one often loses touch with many of the friends you counted as being close. 2. is a result rarely of 1. with 'rarely' being a critical word. let me point out an obvious exception: family. i have not had a friend longer than that of my family, with a handful hopefully coming up close behind. and as i've always said, my best friend is and will always be chinh. (edit) there are those friends that seem to stay with you forever. i can call up mr. poon and talk football any day of the week, regardless of how long it has been since we have last talked. i can call up mr. chang any day of the week and talk about anything and nothing for hours , no matter hod long it has been since last we've talked. i met these individuals in college, my little redhead hero (see comment) met her's earlier and later. this is a function of one's maturity (mine has taken longer to develop than my redhead hero's) and is for a separate discussion.
what really brought this up was a statement that came up, 'you can not go home.' this is a very general/vague statement so let me explain through example. i graduated college (again) in 2005 and went back to visit this past weekend. i saw the same buildings (and some new ones) the same students (and some new ones) and the same wonderful university, however i felt out of place. why? because i had already been there, i had already had that unique experience and this was something i cannot go back to. just like i cannot be five years old again.
what does all this mean? you have to continually make new friends (result of 2.) and this will take time and be hard (see 1.). you have to continually work to keep your old friends (again, 1. and 2.). you have to choose a specific group to invest in.see you in the next city.
peace,
ko
1 comment:
I know for a fact that Tim agrees with you on one specific point, although he might also agree on all of them :), and that was your point about having a unique experience in college that can never be duplicated. The last time we were down in Tucson I turned to him and said, "Don't you miss it sometimes." and he said "Yes I miss it, but even if we went back it wouldn't be the experience we had. I mean look, look at all these new students...this is their school now. Our U of A was a couple of years ago." And maybe he is right, however sad that may be to admit.
As to your comments on friendship I also agree but there is a number 3 that you do leave out. My #3 is called the Brooks/Haughton experience. (I haven't come up with a cool name or whatever). I find that there are friend so special, in fact I think they come around once in a lifetime I am lucky to have two, that it really doesn't matter the proximity or effort you put in. Crist/Lindsay and I went to different high school, middle school, and college (Lindsay just college) and somehow after not talking for months we can pick up where we left off. It is a reality that we still call each other "best friend" as if there is a quantifiable amount put on friendship. But they are...and they are unique in that effort is more out of love than anything else....and maybe that is what makes them family first....and then friends.......
I 100% agree that friendship, like any other relationship is work.....I am glad to be your family and your friend and I will say that no matter how much time passes, and even after we have gotten married, I still long for a time that maybe you and I and Tim and Chinh can all live in the same place together.....That....would....rock...:)
Love love
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